1) What’s wrong with Lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.
2) When asked, “What is a contingent fee?” a lawyer answered, “A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don’t win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing.”
3) A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of lawyers. They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren’t met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
4) A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
5) What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.
6) Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.
7) There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.