Resume Fail

by Larry Emmott on August 11, 2013

in Just for Fun

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were
printed in the July 21,1997 issue of Fortune Magazine.

1. “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
2. “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”
3. “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
4. “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
5. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
6. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
7. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
8. “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
9. “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
10. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
11. “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
12. “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved.  No
commitments.”
13. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
14. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to
respond
to my resume on my office voice mail.”
15. “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.”
16. “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
17. “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
18. “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
19. “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
20. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
21. “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have
never quit a job.”

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