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Just for Fun

Resume Fail

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were
printed in the July 21,1997 issue of Fortune Magazine.

1. “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
2. “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”
3. “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
4. “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
5. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
6. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
7. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
8. “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
9. “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
10. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
11. “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
12. “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved.  No
commitments.”
13. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
14. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to
respond
to my resume on my office voice mail.”
15. “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.”
16. “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
17. “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
18. “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
19. “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
20. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
21. “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have
never quit a job.”

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Just for Fun

Happy Leap Day

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Happy Valentine’s Day

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Just for Fun

Wisdom?

“Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.”

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Just for Fun

Living in the 21st Century

  • You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
  • You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
  • You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three
  • You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
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Just for Fun

Sweet Tooth

Chocolate Dental Pathology Model

From my friends at Florida Probe

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Just for Fun

Holiday Eating Tips

  1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
  2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
  3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
  4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
  5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
  6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
  7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
  8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
  9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
  10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention.

Reread tips, then start over. But hurry: January is just around the corner.

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Just for Fun

Happy Halloween

Halloween

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Internet Just for Fun

B.G.

It is hard to remember how different life was just a few years ago in the B.G. era. That is Before Google.

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Just for Fun

Generational Tech

calculatorMany years ago I remember sitting with my mother helping her balance her checkbook.  We entered all the checks and subtracted to get the balance. I quickly did it by hand but then grabbed a calculator to check my math. My mother approached it from the opposite end. She used a calculator but then did it again by hand because she did not trust the calculator.

My parents’ generation used technology but did not really trust it.

My generation trusts technology more than we do error prone humans.

My children’s generation says, “What’s a checkbook?”

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Just for Fun

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Just for Fun

Speeding Ticket

This is one of those meme messages that has been floating around for a while. Probably not true but it is the kind of thing you wish were true. Also notice there is a dental connection  🙂

____________________________________________________

Two Texas Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on Highway 77, just south of Kingsville, Texas. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the town of Kingsville. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then it suddenly turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the mesquite tree tops on  Highway 77 revealed that the radar had in fact, locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise near its Naval Air home base location in Kingsville, Texas.

Back at the Texas Highway Patrol Headquarters in Corpus Christi the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the U. S. Naval Base Commander in Kingsville for shutting down his equipment.

The reply came back in true USMC style:

“Thank you for your letter . . .
“You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.”

“Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment’s location.”

“Fortunately, the marine pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position on the side of Highway 77, south of Kingsville.” “The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when swearing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.”

“Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left molar. It appears the filling is loose.

Also, the snap is broken on his holster.”

Semper Fi

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General Just for Fun

Happy Forth of July – Independence Day

happy-fourth-of-july-

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Internet Just for Fun

Don’t be evil

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General Just for Fun

Wine Kills Germs That Cause Sore Throats and Dental Plaque, Says Awesome Study

From Maxim:

We already know that wine is one of the greatest things in life, but did you know that it could actually keep you from getting sick? Yup, apparently wine is a fantastic disinfectant for bad mouth germs,

Source: Wine Kills Germs That Cause Sore Throats and Dental Plaque, Says Awesome Study – Maxim

Good to know.

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Just for Fun Social Media

Tell Ten?

Remember the old saying, a satisfied customer will tell two or three people, but a dissatisfied one will tell 8 or 10?  Clearly it was written before Facebook and Twitter.

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Just for Fun

Use a computer to do what a computer is good at use people to do what people are good at

Things computers do well.
Computers are really good at math.
Computers are great at remembering every little detail you tell it. However computers don’t remember things you don’t tell it.
Computers know that 1,000,000,000,001 is not the same as 1,000,000,000,002.
Computers don’t mind doing the same thing over and over and over.

Things computers do not do well.
Computers don’t know how to answer, “Do I look fat in this?”
Computers don’t know that it is a bad idea to have the wife, the ex wife and the girlfriend all in the reception room at the same time.
Computers are really bad at guessing what you really meant by that.
Computers do not understand sarcasm.

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Just for Fun Radiography

Still waiting for Digital to be as good as Film

 

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Cameras Just for Fun

Never Understimate the Power of Cosmetic Imaging

Before       After

       Before                                           After

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Just for Fun

New Dental Plans

Gallo Dental Plan
We pay no claim before its time

Smith Barney Dental
We work the old fashioned way

Golden Rule Dental Plan
He who has the gold makes the rules

CIA Dental
Deny deny deny

Woodstock Dental Plan
Paying claims just like in the 60’s